I left FTCL. I’m still processing the situation and also reflecting on if I did anything wrong, where I could have improved and how to learn from the experience. I loved my team and everyone in it. I always made effort to bring the team together, help solve issues and tried to help those fringe members to be more engaged in playing within the team. FTCL gave me an outlet to apply some social theories and team building, while making great friends and playing. I don’t seek power or control in this game. I simply want to play and have fun. Communicate with people, converse about topic and subjects we have in common. I NEVER talk about FTCL’s internal structure or players or disparage people.
That became the reason why I left FTCL. I would always get chided when messaging someone if there was a conflict or accident. I believe dialogue is important to understand a situation and diplomacy to diffuse any tension. I always ask, “Everything okay? We are good, right?”, just to show that I am not threatening them. I would get chided for that.
We had a situation where a new FTCL member (someone’s trojan horse account) one night attacked our farms and were zeroing them. One of my teammates, Gunner16, dropped the alliance to attack that player, I did the same thing. 2 of the R4s saw what happened and understood what we did was to protect our farms. They approved our applications after reapplying. We all got chided for that. Gunner and I had to explain ourselves.
While there were some instances in our main chat where the tone was condescending towards me, I let it go. I did it because I didn’t want the morale of the team to be affected. Some even messaged me asking if I was okay and I always replied I was.
Once in awhile, I would be in World Chat or Duel chat, randomly talking about a topic or on the 229 discord just having fun on off topic posts. Nothing about teams or people or disparaging anything…
I get a message saying, “If you keep talking in wc or discord, I will have to kick you out of FTCL“. To be honest, it hurt a bit. I’ve done nothing but defended and help build FTCL and I would NEVER put any of the people at risk or make FTCL look bad. That had became a huge chip on my shoulder. She couldn’t trust me. I talked to a few people and I started to learn they had their own separate issues, which lead them to have reservations about leaving. At this time, I tried everything to keep them in and I decided to be completely honest with my leaders. I told them we can shoulder the team responsibilities together, but TRUST US.
The truth is, our R4 is a power player and she is almost essential in this server. Her loyalty is to our R5. Not that she has loyalty for FTCL, but when you say everyone can leave and she will stay for Giftedmf (our R5), why can’t you have that same level for each of us that put in a lot of effort to build FTCL?
My morale was becoming low and when I started adding up all together, I just didn’t feel like playing as much.
It’s hard to keep a structure together when the core and/or foundation shows signs of deterioration. If it isn’t remediated, then the structure will fall apart.
While some had jumped already, I took all day to ruminate about it. I already knew how Mojgan felt as she posted it our alliance chat. But I thought about the people I’ve built good friendships, even some of them that have come out of the shadows and became a face in our chat. The many hours of helping members understand a bit better… those interactions do mean something to me and I think about all those people when I see them online. I don’t want to speak for the other members that left, but I do want to make something clear. We all had separate issues and each person reached a limit. I learned that the 2 R4s had dealt with it for awhile, maybe since the beginning of the team. I didn’t leave because of them, but they were an added factor if I left. 5 left together as they were put on restrictions for them playing, but 2 of them also have their brothers also leave too.
I didn’t know the extent of impact it would have on the team. I had a few people message me saying they played because of me (and it is also mutual and reciprocal).
I really had to think about it because I also didn’t want anyone to feel like I abandoned them ‘just because‘. I personally felt that I owed many of them an explanation. I posted in the alliance chat, giving those reasons and told people, my communication is always open. I also wanted many of them that they are good players and some have great leadership skills. I do consider many of them good friends.
I do have a loyalty complex and I don’t mind following orders. At times though, if something feels irrational towards me, I always assess to see if I did something wrong and own up to the responsibilities if I did. If I didn’t do anything wrong and there’s no apology given, how does that make one feel?
I know this is just a game, but I do give a level of dedication to the people I meet and how I play online. When I feel I can’t have fun, then why even play?
I’ve invested time and effort, long hours and great moments that made me laugh and learn. Even makes me feel vulnerable and emotional a bit when you have that attachment to something. I am a sentimental person in that aspect.
F31Roger (formally of FTCL 229)
